Post #2 in category. We recommend reading posts in numerical order.
The Present
Heart
The goals and strategies of Parallel Assessment and Parallel Development reflect the state of our heart, our dreams, our beliefs.
This paper is inspired by Reuven Feuerstein’s Theory of Mediated Learning Experience, emphasizing Belief, Intentionality and Reciprocity.
The Present Heart
Belief, Intentionality and Reciprocity
The Present Heart’s Core Questions
- What enables a child with developmental delays to connect, to communicate and to learn how to learn?
- What enables a child with developmental delays to develop their higher potential?
- What enables a child with developmental delays to want to understand?
- What enables a child with developmental delays to be safer, more successful, happier and prepared to live a more fulfilling life?
Development does not begin with techniques, programs, charts, or instructions. These may help guide us, but they do not create life within the process. Real development is nurtured in the authentic relationship between people, which begins with belief.
The goals and strategies of Parallel Assessment and Parallel Development reflect the state of our heart, our dreams and our intentions. Before a child learns words, concepts or academic skills, the child learns something more fundamental, whether another human being truly connects with them. A child senses hope before understanding language. Human beings, especially vulnerable children, live within intuitive feeling states long before they understand rules and explanations.
Belief is not sentimental optimism. Belief is an organizing force. It directs attention. It sharpens observation. It awakens creativity. It generates persistence when visible progress is slow. Without belief and connection, methods become mechanical. With belief, ordinary interactions become opportunities for transformation.
Reuven Feuerstein understood this when he wrote that intelligence can be changed, that no person is ever fully closed to learning, and that there is always hope. Hope, in this sense, is not passive wishing. It is genuine and disciplined commitment. It is the decision to continue searching for pathways into the child’s world even when previous pathways have failed.
Many families have received a different message. They hear predictions, limitations, labels and false ceilings. They are told what the child may never become. Over time, these negative voices can become internalized, slowly shaping the expectations of parents, educators, therapists, and even the child. Negative expectations narrow perception. They train us to notice failure more than effort and possibility. They weaken initiative before determined effort begins.
As Theodor Herzl wrote, “If you will it, it is no dream.” The statement is not magical thinking. It reflects something profoundly human. Belief and intention organize action. When the heart and mind move toward a meaningful aim, attention becomes more focused, endurance becomes greater, and new possibilities gradually emerge.
Intentionality is more than desire. Jean-Paul Sartre described intentionality as consciousness directed toward something, an awareness of what we seek. Martin Heidegger understood intentionality as care itself, the deep human orientation toward what matters most.
In the life of a developing child, intentionality becomes visible in the smallest acts. A parent kneels to meet the child’s eyes instead of speaking across the room. A teacher waits patiently for a response instead of rushing ahead. A therapist notices the meaning behind a gesture that others dismiss. These are declarations of value. They tell the child, “You matter.” “Your thoughts and feelings matter.” “Your efforts matter.” “Our connection matters.”
The Chinese logogram for “listen” is:
Within the character are symbols suggesting the ear, the eyes, attention, undivided focus and the heart. True listening is not simply hearing sounds. It is receiving another human being with one’s full presence.
The Chinese character for “heart” is:
The heart is not merely emotion. It is intention, courage, attention and direction. To create “a present heart” is to become emotionally available to the child in the present moment, not trapped by past disappointments or paralyzed by fear of the future.
Children with developmental delays often have to contend with adults who are hurried, anxious, distracted or overwhelmed by pressure for outcomes. But human development flourishes in relationships where another person is emotionally present, meaningfully engaged and confidently patient.
(שִׂים לֵב) [sim lev] is a Hebrew idiom meaning to “pay attention.” It literally means “to put your heart to something.”
Intentionality and Reciprocity are Essential
Learning is never entirely one-sided. Even the most vulnerable child seeks some form of shared experience. A glance, a gesture, a touch, a pause, moving a little closer, turn-taking, shared enjoyment may all signal the beginning of reciprocity. The child and the mediator gradually enter a shared rhythm, a dynamic partnership. Intentions become mutual. Meaning and understanding grow and are shared.
Development is not merely the accumulation of isolated skills. It is the gradual construction of a relationship between real persons doing real things, between shared experiences, shared environments, emotions and ideas, connecting the past, the present and the future. Meaningful learning connects facts to purpose, connects actions to emotions, and effort to hope.
When reciprocity emerges, the child does not simply perform tasks; the child wants to understand, wants to be with us. Curiosity awakens. Motivation becomes internal. The child begins to participate in the shaping of their own development.
This transformation cannot be packaged into manuals or predetermined programs or curricula because every child is different. Development is profoundly personal and interpersonal. There is no universal menu for awakening motivation, resilience, imagination or joy. Techniques matter, but techniques alone cannot substitute for belief, relationship and genuinely enjoying discovery.
The atmosphere surrounding the child matters enormously.
If a child lives with confusion, failure, frustration, fear, criticism or hopelessness, these emotions and expectations shape their relationships, their communication and their learning. But when a child experiences encouragement, shared purpose, patience, and meaningful engagement, they become more open to curiosity, exploration and growth. Emotional safety, internal motivation and cognitive growth are deeply intertwined.
The mediator must also know and accept themselves. We cannot engage deeply with the child without understanding our own intentions, without being aware of our behaviors, or how we are being perceived by the child. The adults’ and the child’s beliefs and emotional state penetrate every interaction.
The philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “Clarity of mind means clarity of passion.” Clear intentions create direction. When families and professionals understand and believe in what they hope to build, participation and interpersonal connection, communication, growing independence, curiosity, emotional regulation, joy in our actions and activities become more coherent, more relevant and meaningful.
This does not mean every day proceeds according to plan. Development does not unfold in straight lines. There are setbacks, exhaustion, confusion and uncertainty. Some days may feel painfully unproductive. Yet meaningful progress often depends less on perfect execution than on sustained direction and emotional commitment. The details may change. The pathway may change. But the heart of the work remains.
First comes Belief
Belief allows us to continue looking for possibilities hidden beneath difficulty. Belief keeps the mind open long enough for creativity to emerge. Belief allows the adult to “stretch” alongside the child, to learn new ways of seeing, communicating and understanding.
And in helping the child develop, the adult develops as well.
Parents, caregivers, teachers and therapists discover reserves of courage they never knew they possessed. We become more observant, more patient, more humane. We learn to value subtle moments of connection rather than only measurable outcomes. The child’s struggle and eventual progress reshape everyone involved.
The present heart asks What can this child do today? And also asks, Who can this child become? Who can we become together with shared hope, clear direction, mutual interest, joint effort and enjoyment? Development begins when we choose with a present heart, purpose, and possibility over power and limitation.
Copyright © 2025 Shlomo Chaim
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