Parenting an autistic adult in Israel during wartime means constantly balancing safety, freedom, and the realities of daily life under sirens.

Last Saturday afternoon, as sirens sounded and explosions echoed in the distance, my autistic son insisted on leaving the house to attend his weekly Torah lesson.

It was only a seven-minute walk from our home. Normally, it would not have been a difficult decision. But this time, the war with Iran had just begun, and the sirens had already gone off several times that day.

I asked him not to go.
He changed his clothes, grabbed his bag, and walked out the door.

In that moment, I faced a dilemma that many parents in Israel are now confronting in different ways: how do you protect your child when safety and independence are suddenly in conflict?

Life Interrupted by Sirens

These past few weeks, since the start of the war with Iran, have been extremely challenging for everyone in Israel. The countless sirens, at all hours of the day and night, make it difficult to adhere to any routine or complete even the simplest tasks, such as eating a meal or showering, without interruption. Everyone I know feels stressed, exhausted, and frustrated by the ongoing disruptions to daily routines and the feeling of being drawn into yet another dangerous and unsettling war.

Stress, Fear, and Different Ways of Coping

Every person handles the stress of this situation differently. Many people are afraid to leave the proximity of a safe room or bomb shelter. Others are so fed up with the ongoing wars and sirens that they sometimes don’t even go into the safe room at all.

For many of us, it often feels like a constant struggle between protecting our mental health and protecting our physical safety.

Parenting a Neurodistinct Adult in Uncertain Times

This balancing act can be particularly difficult for a parent of an autistic or otherwise neurodistinct child or adult. My autistic son is in his mid-twenties and has limited verbal abilities. I am also not sure how well he would be able to problem-solve or express his needs in a dangerous or confusing situation.

The Necessity of Independence

As a general rule, he travels to work or synagogue independently, usually walking on his own. That independence is extremely important to him, and he does not appreciate being “accompanied” by a family member to the places he chooses to go.

I understand his need for freedom, even though there are times when I know it would be preferable to have someone with him. It is always difficult to assess how much independence is truly safe. We try to strike a balance by asking him to share his plans and location with us whenever he goes out.

The Day the War Began

Last Friday, he received his weekly invitation to a Torah lesson and prayer service that he loves attending on Saturday afternoons. He was very excited and went to the bakery to buy challah and cakes to share with his friends.

But on Saturday, the war with Iran began. Right before he was supposed to leave the house, we experienced four sirens and heard explosions in the distance.

His lesson was only a seven-minute walk from our home, but I did not feel comfortable letting him go. He refused to comply with my request and became extremely agitated. I tried reasoning with him. Then I tried shouting. But in the end, he changed his clothes and walked out the door.

I was upset, angry, and frustrated. But I did not really have a choice except to let him go.

Fortunately, thank G-d, when the next round of sirens sounded, he was able to find shelter with his friends.

When Safety and Autonomy Collide

These are the kinds of dilemmas we have been facing since the beginning of the war. We have been trying to maintain some semblance of routine and normalcy, but have found it to be practically impossible.

Every day, before my son leaves the house, I remind him what to do if the sirens go off. Then I can only hope and pray that he will remember to follow my instructions if the need should arise.

Even though it is unsettling for me, I know it is critical for him to continue going to synagogue and work. Without those routines, he would become depressed, frustrated, angry, and agitated.

Living in Constant Risk Assessment

To be honest, everyone living here is in a similar situation. We are all playing the same game of attempting to choose between the lesser of two evils.

An entire nation is living in an ongoing state of risk assessment. Staying at home and feeling like a trapped animal in a cage is unthinkable. But compromising physical safety is also unthinkable.

Every day becomes a delicate balancing act between physical safety, emotional stability, and maintaining some semblance of normal life.

No Perfect Answers

There are no simple answers to these dilemmas. And there probably aren’t any correct answers either.

We can only continue to do our best, hope, and pray that this nightmare ends as soon as possible, and that somehow there will be a positive outcome to this war.

Searching for the Light at the End of the Tunnel

Right now, it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But we must keep trying. And may G-d watch over us, keep us safe, and help us get through these challenging times.

#Israel #Autism #Parenting #WartimeLife #Neurodiversity